Where to start…well…let’s start somewhere near the beginning. One of my more recent writings was designed to give you a peak into the pedophile mindset of intent.
We barely cracked that door open, Pandora’s Box if you will. I intend to open it further and expand your understanding if you’re willing. But this will not be a journey into an isolated topic. It’s so much bigger than even Pedophilia. None-the-less, we will start right there.
When dealing with a pedophile and the issue of intent, I think we often isolate the notion of intent to some idea of sexual gratification. In fact, recently I was sent an article by a friend of some D.A.R.E. police officer who had been arrested for having large quantities of child pornography and I commented “I just don’t get the attraction…”
And I think that’s probably a pretty typical perspective. Pedophilia = Sexual Gratification. It’s the easiest to fall into.
Like most simple perspectives it’s woefully incomplete, describing only a very tiny portion of the complexity of a pedophiles attraction to a child, or the abuser to any sexually abusive relationship. Or…any abusive relationship at all.
Yes, some might be attracted to a child physically, but I would also argue that often they find other people sexually attractive as well.
The sexual gratification component is just a portion for the pedophile. And if we then accept that sexual gratification is only a portion of the reality for a pedophile or sexually abusive relationship then where does that leave us?
With a new understanding I hope. The pedophile… Before I continue, have I ever mentioned how much I despise the use of clinical terms to describe revolting and evil behavior? Being clinical removes the reality of some of what these fungi do to the most vulnerable amongst us. It is an evil and it should be handled as such.
To continue, the pedophile… is often attracted as much to the control of the individual as they are any sexual intercourse. In fact, the control and power over the vulnerable is often another component that attracts the pedophile and sexual abuser. For some, this is actually what heightens the drive, need, and sexual gratification of the situation.
If we deviate from pedophilia for a moment and look at sexual assaults, abuse, and other forms of relationship violence—even generally. Control, power, and fear are all connected.
But there’s more.
Not to be outdone by sexual gratification through power. Another emotional component for the pedophile or abuser is the ability to dupe, trick, and deceive. And not only the victim, but also those who may also be responsible for their protection. Having read story after story, it’s clear to me that the ability to trick and dupe others into trusting them, including the individual that is abused is yet another component.
Although admittedly it can lead right back to power depending on your perspective it’s worth noting separately because it leads us to the fact that the most charming and loved people are often the ones that do the most destructive damage in life.
It is their ability to charm, be loved, and manipulate that often gives them the entry point—particularly in older victims and victims outside of their nuclear family. While in contrast, those who are part of the nuclear family often deal with fear, power, manipulation, and control as the starting point.
When dealing with the psychopath specifically, their ability to trick, dupe, and use manipulation is at an extremely high level. It is one of their primary abilities. Compared to the vast majority of people it is off the charts. They simply don’t operate the way the rest of us do, yet many of us expect that a psychopath walks around with a limp, or talking to themselves, or some other identifiable trait. That’s not reality—at all.
They simply don’t have the facial cues, vocal cues, and most other tells that a normal person does. In addition, their ability to change to the circumstances, to fit in and adapt—is higher than almost anyone else you know. They are often loved even when they are recognized as being “crazy” or destructive—sometimes even when they are sitting in prison.
And here’s the rub, some psychopaths are high functioning and not necessarily deviant by legal standards—meaning they don’t necessarily break the law. They might be working alongside you and just causing constant havoc and disruption in the workplace—yet seem to generally succeed.
Until next time.
Coach Sean